Feb 23, 2022
The
key to progressing in life is just that...progress.
But the key to progress is
consistency...
This only happens when we learn to create healthy
habits and set those habits or activities in our lives in a way
that truly becomes consistent and creates change over
time.
Then why do so many people struggle to create good
habits and also struggle with consistency.
I believe it boils down to a combination
of
-
Expectations
-
Discipline
-
Alignment
First, we have to learn to manage our expectations in
life and with the habits we create. One of my many mentors
had a great way to put this concept that I think will bring this
point home...
He Says...Perfectionism Stops us from Creating New
Habits...
When we decide to create a new habit — exercise, healthy
eating, meditation, writing — we can get excited and optimistic,
and have an idea of how it will go perfectly.
This is such a hopeful time! Unfortunately, reality has other
plans.
Our perfect idea of how our new habit will go is pretty much
never how it actually goes. We might do really well for a few days
or even a couple of weeks, but inevitably we’ll miss a day or two
because of tiredness, busyness, sickness, visitors, forgetting,
etc. And then things get derailed, because of our perfect idea of
how we hoped the habit would go.
This is one of the main obstacles to forming habits. Our
hopeful idea of how it will go, and then our disappointment and
frustration with ourselves when it doesn’t go that way.
The idea that we should be super consistent and perfect in our
habit attempts … it derails us.
Here’s what typically happens:
-
We think, “I’m going to start doing X everyday!” Then our minds get excited and we start imagining how it will go, and how it’s going to make our lives better and make us a better person.
-
We start trying to doing X every day.
-
The reality doesn’t match the imagination in some way: doing X is not as fun as we thought it would be, or we miss a couple of days, or we repeatedly miss a couple of days.
-
We get frustrated by the way things are going. We are disappointed in ourselves. We’re discouraged. We eventually quit and our self-image gets hurt.
You can see from this sequence that the problem isn’t missing
a couple of days — it’s the expectation or fantasy that we had
about how it will go, and the resulting disappointment, frustration
and discouragement that has us quit and feel bad about
ourselves.
The problem isn’t the reality, it’s the expectation that
things will go a certain way.
How could we find a different way?
Reality-Based Habit Change
What if we simply said, “Let me try to bring a daily ritual of
doing X into my life, and be curious about what it will be
like”?
So there doesn’t have to be a fantasy that it will go
perfectly or brilliantly. We don’t know how it will be. But we can
bring an intention to do it, and a curiosity about what that will
be like.
Then we start doing it. We miss a day, but this is not a cause
for discouragement. It’s a cause for curiosity — what got in the
way? What would it be like to start again today?
Each day becomes a lovely place of learning.
Then “successful” days and “failure” days are not really
binary results of success/failure, but instead a rich place of
curiosity and learning.
What would that be like for you?
So one of the obvious things we need to do is manage
our expectations and perfectionist nature...
Then, we need to find ways to create Discipline and
Alignment for ourselves in order for the positive, healthy and
productive habits to take shape.
This can be done many different ways.
-
Set yourself up for success with your habits
-
Align your habits with what works for YOU
-
Create the best time of day for your habits
-
Pick the habits that most likely will create change for YOU
-
Don't overwhelm yourself...just start simple
-
Find ways to create small wins each day
-
Never negotiate with your habits...expect discipline...no excuses
-
Gain accountability partners, mentors, coaches, trainers, etc.
Most importantly...be patient.
Everything in good time.
Take one bite at a time and don't overwhelm your mind,
life or abilities with your expectations, ambition, or needs of
others.
Thanks for listening today.
Please share this podcast with at least one person in
your life. Help us to create change in the world.
See you tomorrow.
George Wright III